I can't believe that 7 years ago today, my first daughter was born. It seems like only yesterday that I tested that Easter Sunday morning on 3/31/02 and in that instant, with a positive pregnancy test, my life had changed forever.
It was a busy time in my life. M had asked me, officially (ie, rock in hand!), to marry him in November of 2001 and we had planned a Spring wedding. April to be exact. I hadn't been feeling well for a few weeks and thought my period was about to start any minute. I had been crampy and irritable; two sure signs that "Aunt Flow" was on her way. M kept saying he thought I was pregnant, but I tested numerous times before and they were all BFNs (code for Big Fat Negatives). So that Easter morning, it came as a COMPLETE and TOTAL shock that right there, glaring down in front of me was a BFP (Big Fat Positive). I remember it was 5am in the morning and M was still asleep. I walked into our room, test in hand, and I said "This THING says I'm pregnant". He smiled, hugged me, and said "Congratulations, you're going to be a mommy". To say I was shocked was an understatement. I was under the impression that it would be difficult for us to conceive when we decided it was time. I've had irregular cycles my entire life and since M and I were 'shacking up', we weren't being exactly careful (if you know what I mean!). Well, I cried for three days. Our wedding was in 13 days, out of state, and there was STILL a lot to do. I was stressed, overwhelmed and quite frankly, even though I was 26, I felt too young to be having a child.
To date the pregnancy, M and I went to a clinic. It was a Christian clinic and it was an interesting experience to say the least. Anyway, we found one that did sonograms early on and sure enough, I was pregnant. They guessed about 5wks pregnant. It was the most surreal thing, knowing there was someone growing inside of me that M and I created. I knew we were blessed, but it was hard to see the forest through the trees. What awaited me was beyond anything I ever could have imagined.
Once the wedding was done, it was time to switch gears and get ready for baby!! I was due 11-17 so I had to get cracking! Thankfully, both of our families were extremely supportive and couldn't wait for this baby to be born!! M and I bought furniture, strollers, carseats etc etc... All the baby gear you could imagine. There was one thing missing though; the baby's gender. I had numerous sonos and not once could they tell the sex. The baby had its legs closed or it was facing my back so they could never tell me if she was a boy or girl. I don't care for the color yellow, nor did I want all green baby clothes so I was pretty upset that the baby wasn't cooperating!
My pregnancy was pretty rough, even though I felt pretty good throughout it....my body was freaking out. It started with a scare that took me to the ER shortly after getting that BFP. I had started to spot and while at the ER, they told me it was a threatned miscarriage. We were upset, but we would just give it to God and whatever was to happen would. Thank goodness the hcg (the hormone produced by the fetus) kept going up, so that indicated a growing baby. Then that was followed by two horrible cases of bronchitis. I couldn't really take anything while being pg, nor did I want to. I would cough so hard that I ended up vomiting more times than not. Then, one day at work, I developed some really bad pains on my right side. I felt like I was being stabbed in the kidneys. After another trip to the ER, it was confirmed. Kidney stones. I passed them, but had to follow up with a urologist afterwards. I tell you what, I was the only woman and the only person under 60 in there!! He couldn't find anymore and sent me on my merry way.
After that episode, I failed my glucose tolerance test. Both of them. My pancreas was not making enough insulin so I was sent to a dietician and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I was lucky this time and was able to control it by diet alone.
Just so life wouldn't get boring, I started having dizzy spells and headaches and my OB thought I could benefit from some PT. So there I went for a few weeks to strengthen some muscles in my neck & back to hopefully stop them from happening. Looking back, I think it was a warning sign of what was to come.
Towards the end of my pregnancy, my blood pressure started to rise. Being overweight at the start of the pregnancy, it didn't surprise anyone that my blood pressure would probably start becoming a problem. Well, a problem child it was, let me tell you! It got so bad that I had several 24hr urine tests done (I had to collect my pee for one day) and a nurse even had to come out to the house to monitor me, make sure I was staying on bedrest and showed me how to use the BP cuff. There were also a few nights in the hospital to monitor it. Those were awful. Those hospital beds seem nice at first, but after one night you might as well start sleeping on the ground because there isn't a huge difference!
At one overnight stay, I was waiting for M to show up from work and while I was getting a sono, the gal asked if I knew the sex of the baby. I said, "Can YOU see it?!?!". She said she could and I asked her to write it down for me and seal it in an envelope. I wanted M to be with me when we found out. Later on when he arrived in the room, I showed it to him and told him what it was. He let me open it and I exclaimed "IT'S A GIRL"!! Inside the tech had written "Congratulations, it's a girl!!" We both got a little teary-eyed and hugged. I still have that piece of paper! I then quickly called my mom and told her "IT'S PINK" and the shopping flood gates opened!!! Mom, Grandma, Great-Grandma and the Aunts all went girl shopping! That was two weeks before I had her.
On 10-16, my old job hosted a shower for me! We got SOOOO many nice things! We couldn't wait to bring P.A. home! After the shower I had an appt with the OB who informed me that the high blood pressure was getting worse. Off to the hospital I went. This time, she told me I was done being pregnant and we would be having this baby in the next day or so. YIKES.
I didn't even get to really clean the house like I wanted to. I didn't get to wash all the cute stuff we received. It just happened so fast. Baby shower and then straight to having the baby!! CRAZY.
That was Wednesday evening, 10-16. They were monitoring the BP and it wasn't coming down. The next day it was still elevated and tests that were run the day before showed that my kidneys were starting to fail. Add that to the list of ailments this little girl was causing me! :) That was it. No choice but to induce. On the evening of 10-17, they started this cervix ripening gel that prepares your body for labor. At first it was fine, then by 3 hours later I started feeling it.
PAIN. OUCH. The nurse told me to take a shower that night because I was going to have a few different IVs and once I was hooked up, I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. I remember being in the shower and feeling like I was having the worst cramps of my life. I couldn't even stand up straight because I was hunched over in pain. I remember telling M over and over "this effin hurts badly....this SUCKS". LOL
Once I started progressing, the doctor gave me some meds so I could rest. More like medicine to knock me out. It seemed like I was waking up every 20 minutes in pain
and M was right by my side the entire time. Not knowing this, but the nurse had put a cathetir in me since I couldn't get up and walk around. They gave me magnesium to prevent seizures from the high BP, so they couldn't have me up and about. When I woke up in pain, I felt like I also had to pee! I told M, in a whisper, "I have to pee." He would say "go, it's OK". "No!" I said. He said "it's OK, you have a cathetir" "No!!!" I would say. "I have to go really bad". Then right away I would fall back asleep again and 20 min later we would have the exact same conversation! hahaha
Shortly thereafter I was told it was time for the epidural! YIPPY! For me, it was pain free and the guy who did it was VERY nice. Once it was hooked up, I was OUT. The next thing I knew, all of these people were in the room making a racket and I was told "It's Time!". It was now the morning of Friday, 10-18.
M was by my side and I was told to push. I couldn't feel much, but they said I was doing a great job, and I kept thinking "If you say so, crazy people! I don't feel squat!". haha My lips were SOOOO incredibly dry. M was giving me ice chips, but they weren't helping at all. My mouth felt like I had a huge wad of cotton in it. BLEH. After about 4 pushes, I heard all kinds of commotion and then I heard the word "vacuum". Afterwards M told me that P1's heartrate was dropping and they had to make a split second decision. Emergency Cesarian, or using the vacuum. She was stuck. Since the nurse could see her head, that's what they opted for. OH, I forgot to say that since this was at 5am, my OB wasn't on call that morning so I got some guy delivering me. A complete stranger. I was ticked, but what can you do really?! Anyway, so they used the vacuum and she slipped right out. At 5:25am, my beautiful baby girl was born. 5lbs 9oz and she was 18in long. She did have trouble & they had to inflate her lungs to get her to breathe on her own. She did quickly, but they still needed to check her. I don't know if I said this, but she was born early at 35wks. Normal human gestation is 40wks.
One thing I was SOOO worried about was tearing during delivery. After she was born and I made sure she was healthy, I asked if I tore. They said I didn't and I was SOOOO relieved. I didn't want to deal with that, as I hear it can be SUPER painful. I figured I had been through enough with the pregnancy that God was sparing me from anymore pain. hahahahaha WRONG.
So about 30 minutes after I had her, the epi started wearing off and I could feel this (OK, TMI warning!!!!!! TOO MUCH INFORMATION. If you're squemish, quit reading now) ....where was I? Oh, so afterwards I felt this stabbing pain in my va-jay-jay (or 'gina' as it's called in my house!). I told M if felt like I was being ripped open from the inside out. It was AWFUL, TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, EXCRUCIATING PAIN. I demanded he go get the nurses. They came in and saw that I was bleeding from the gina and they said it was normal after giving birth. I sucked it up and tried my best to manage the pain. They packed it with some gauze and gave me some vicodin pills. Ya, that didn't do ANYTHING. A short while later, this time I was hollering at M telling him I didn't care if he had to drag a nurse in by her hair, but to get someone in there ASAP.
A few more nurses came in and when they removed the gauze to check me, I heard "Oh My God, her doctor needs to get in here NOW!" Followed by "This is ridiculous". Luckily my OBs office was in the hospital and they were able to get her to me quickly. I remember her walking in, saying something to me and the nurse putting meds into my epidural. THANK GOD it was still in my back.
Now this is what I remember next. A bright white light above me, in a bright white room. My eyes were closed and I kept hearing "T? Can you hear me? Open your eyes". I was dead...or so I thought. I saw a man's face looking down on me and I could barely keep my eyes open. I had an oxygen mask on my face and he wouldn't shut up with the "T, open your eyes". I closed my eyes only to wake up back in the room where I had P1. I heard a lady's voice. She was talking about me. I looked to my left and there was my OB, talking to my inlaws and M. OK, so I wasn't dead. Close, but nope. Not dead.
This is what happened.
Since the dr. used the vacuum to get P1 out, part of the inside wall of the 'gina got sucked in there with it. It ruptured a vein and I was bleeding out. A massive hematoma (a large bruise) had formed and that's where the pain & blood was coming from. When the nurses came in to check me the second time, when they removed the gauze, a HUGE GUSH of blood came pouring out. Apparently it went all over the bed and on the floor. After that, they dosed my epidural and rushed me to the OR. My OB was able to find the vein, stop the bleeding and repair it...something she said is almost impossible to do (locate the vein that is hemorraging). I did need two blood transfusions since I had lost so much blood. I was alive though. M's parents thought I had died because when they walked into the room, my bed was gone, there was a lady mopping all the blood off the floor, and M was crying with his head in his hands alone. Of course they thought the worst. Scary time. My family is in CA so they could only go on phone calls that were few and far between. I knew my mom was having a fit because I couldn't update her. Sorry mom!
Since P1 was born on Friday morning, I didn't get to hold her until much later that night. I'm sad that I missed that time with her, but I know daddy was with her and I was still alive so I had a lot to be thankful for.
Thankfully she was fine health wise and just a little jaundice. I was able to go home the following Monday and she came home on Tuesday. My recovery lasted a LONG LONG LONG time. It was very painful to do anything for a while.
Ya, the pregnancy, labor and post-delivery were awful, but at the end of it I got the best prize in the world. My beautiful, sweet, smart, and precious baby girl. I love you VERY much Piper. I never knew what unconditional love meant until you were born. I never knew what it was like to love someone so much that you would die to protect them. I never knew how much I could love another person until I held you in my arms and whispered your name for the very first time. Instant Love. God sent you to me to save me. You give me a reason for living and I'm a better person because of you. Thank you my honey bear. Mommy loves you with every fiber of my being; and I ALWAYS will.
Just a few of my favorite pics of P1 through the years....
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